There have been so many times in my life where I've wished that I had a time machine to go back and fix things that have gone wrong and shouldn't have. Yesterday was one of those times.
Michael's mother passed away last night, I think we're all so much in shock. Honestly did I never in a million years think that I would loose my parents or Michael's parents so early. She'd been sick for the past two weeks with bronchitis, but her Dr never gave her antibiotics to fight it - they only gave her an inhaler of advair - and so it developed into pneumonia. She went into respitory arrest at around 6:30pm and was sent to the ER. Reedley is the closest hospital and they don't have an ICU but they could not stablize her enough to air-lift transfer her to Modesto. She went into cardiac arrest several times with them reviving her before passing from us shortly after 9pm.
When she had her appointment on the 7th her lungs were only working at 50% capacity (I didn't know this until last night, believe me if I had I'd have fought more for her to see a different doctor) so why didn't they do a chest x-ray? there are so many questions that are running though my head like "what if" but "shoulda, coulda, woulda" won't bring her back and it won't ease the pain that we're all feeling right now. I'm angry and I'm sad and I can't believe this is real. My poor father-in-law and my sister-in-law (19 is too young to loose your mother..) are both in a state of shock and we stayed with them until 3am. Michael is trying to be strong for them and I worry that he's not letting himself grieve properly because of that, but I also know he handles grief different than others.
I can't write anymore right now.